Admit it, Your a Monster
by Odelia is the Oddie
Summary: Light/L. Only when he sleeps is Light affected by the guilt of L's death. Character Death. Oneshot. Yaoi, My entry for Zena Silverwing's Colliding Death Note Contest. Sonfic to Monster by Skillet. Very dark.


Konnichwa, my name id Oddie and this is my first posted fanfiction as well as my entry in Zena Silverwing's Colliding Death Note Contest. It is one of many, _many _Skillet songfics to come. Its a Light/L and its based off the song 'Monster' by Skillet. I hope you enjoy it.

Also, if it not to much trouble please leave a Review. I will try my hardest to answer all reviews left. Except for flames. Flames will be used to roast marshmellows and nothing more.

Disclaimer: Odealia is the Oddie does not own Death Note or the song Moster by Skillet.

Admit it, Your a Monster

_This was perfect._

_A warm body pressed against his own. Soft, fragrant ebony hair still mused from their previous activities resting on the pillow beside him. The moonlight reflecting of the porcelain skin of his lover._

_In Lights mind it was complete and utter perfection. Even with the black notebook hidden under the pillow digging into his skull._

_**~The secret side of me, I never let you see I keep it caged but I can't control it~**_

_A soft breeze drifted in from the window sending a shiver down the spine of Lights companion._

_Light smiled wrapping his arms tighter around the waist of his lover. "You cold?" He asked while snuggling his face deeper into that soft fragrant hair._

_He got no response._

_**~So stay away from me, the beast is ugly~**_

_For some reason his partner silence worried Light._

_He knew he was awake. The man he loved never slept, it was one of the oddities that drew Light to him in the first place. So why not speak up?_

_**~I feel the rage and I just can't hold it~**_

_"Hey, are you okay?" Light asked, shaking one of the pale shoulders._

_All he got in response was more silence._

_"This isn't funny..." That said, he slowly turned his friend to face him._

**_~Its scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls~_**

_A scream bubbled up in his throat, but Light fought viciously to hold it down, just barely succeeding._

_He wasn't dead. He couldn't be..._

_But how else do you explain the sightless eyes? The gray skin? The open, silently screaming mouth?_

_He wasn't dead. He wasn't!_

**_~ It come awake and I can't control it.~_**

_Outside the window dark clouds blew over the bright moon casting the room into darkness._

_The wind howled loudly, angrily, as if lamenting the death of someone so great._

_From beneth the pillow Light was still laying on came the stench of putrid rotting flesh, so strong it made him gag. Jerking up, away from the once normal pillow he held his lovers corpse gently in his arms and turned to look back down in shock._

_The pure white pillow his head had been on but a second ago slowly began to turn brown, then black as if it were decomposing. It rotted away for a goood few minuets before it finally crumbled into tiny little pieces. Beneath in was a simple black book._

_A book with the words "Death Note" scrawled across the top of it._

_**~Hiding under the bed, in my body in my head~**_

_Light was terrified. He'd seen that book before. That was Ryuk's book- no, wait...It was Rems. Ryuk and Rem had switched their notebooks that one time, before he let go of his memories. They switched under his orders all part f his plan to kill..._

_No. He hadn't...had he?_

_Against his will, his hand reached out to pick up the book._

_**~Why won't somebody come and save me from this,  
Make it end!~**_

_Holding the book in one hand, his other still wrapped around his loves body, he carefully opened it._

_And stared blankly at the pages. His own hand writing stared back._

_So many names..._

**_~I feel it deep within, its just beneath the skin I must confess...~_**

_For the first time in a long time, Light Yagami panicked._

_Blindly, he flipped through the pages, all the names taunting him. So many names...._

_'But they all deserved it right?! It was there own fault! They had been evil! They had needed to be eliminated!!!' Lights mind whirled, but for once, these excuses did not seem enough. His eyes caught on a few names, Ray Penber, Naomi Misora, but he was to frantic to stop. 'They hadn't been evil. They'd just been doing their job, and I killed them anyway! They hadn't deserved it...'_

_But it wasn't his fault. It could not be his fault..._

_Heart racing, Light looked for something, ANYTHING, to prove that he wasn't at fault for killing all these people._

_Finally, he reached the last page with writing on it and found what he was looking for. Something different. Names, yes, but that wasn't his writing..._

_Slowly, he read the names. The first was completly forgien to him, but the second one seemed familer. But who was it? Staring at the name his mined raced to remember._

_It was someone important...Someone he cared for, but killed anyway...Someone who had never actually used his real name, who refused to be called by the name now written in the notebook..._

_Finally, it clicked._

_And this time, Light couldn't hold back his scream._

**_~ That I feel like a Monster~_**

_It was L._

_That was L's name in the book, written in writing that was not his own._

_He had killed L._

_He turned to the body in his arms, the body of the only person he could ever love, and could no longer deny the truth. Tears streaming down his face, Light moved some of the ebony hair away from the corpses frozen face and gazed into his lovers eyes. L's dead eyes stared back at him._

_L, his lover._

_L, his friend._

_L, his enemy..._

_L, his everything._

_L was dead._

_Not being able to bear looking at that cold, dead, stare any longer, Light turned away. His attention was immediately drawn back to the damn notebook._

_The book...._

_The book that had taken his L away._

_The book that, even now, called to him, whispered to him, tempted him into doing evil acts._

_It wasn't his fault._

_It was the book's..._

_The damn book's!_

_Rage swelled up inside his already unstable heart._

_Light didn't want this anymore. He didn't want this book, the bringer of heartache that looked like a gift but was really a curse._

_He didn't want it!_

_Using all his rage, all his pain and sorrow that he held in his heart he threw the book, pouring all of his strength into it. But, despite the power behind the throw, it landed right in front of him, still open to the page with the strange writing and the familiar-but-different name._

_Before his eyes the notebook erupted into bright blue flames._

_I those flames he saw everything he wanted to forget. The large computer at the old Kira task force headquarters flashing 'All Data Deleted'. L, still perfect, still breathing, preparing his coffee with that atrocious amount of sugar..._

_L falling into Lights arms._

_L looking at him with the most shocked and hurt eyes he'd ever seen._

_L whispering, just loud enough for Light to hear "I...l-loved you...but, y-ou...why?"_

_It was too much._

_Throwing his head back, Light screamed at the top of his lungs, screamed so loud he was sure the God of Death all the way in the Shikigami world heard him. He screamed the name still visible in the flames, the name of his love. His Heart. He screamed L's true name._

_**~I, I feel like a monster~**_

Light entire body snapped up painfully from where he lay in his bed, cold sweat dripping into his eyes plastering the sheets to him, his leg horribly tangled in said sheets.

"Oh, your awake now?"

Light jerked once more, heart in throat as he whirled to glare at the Shikigami floating in the middle of his and Misa's bedroom. Ryuk smiled at him tauntingly, his all knowing gaze angering Light. Deciding to ignore him, he instead turned to gaze at the alarm clock on the side table.

5:30. In the morning.

Light sighed. No way was he getting back to sleep now...

"Not so pleasant dreams Light-kun?" Ryuk persisted, a smile on his twisted face.

"Shut up Ryuk." Light snapped. Rising from the bed, he walked over to his desk

'If I can't sleep anyway, I might as well get some work done' he thought, pulling out the Death Note.

The sight of it sent a nauseous wave through his stomach, along with memories from his nightmare. Ebony hair against a pillow. A gentle breeze. A pillow decomposing. Bright blue flames. The name...

The name that, even now, he did not know.

"I think you were dreaming of L again." Light easily disguised his reaction to the Shikigami's offhand words, but Ryuk saw it anyway. The shift of the eyes, the sudden straightening of a back....

Ryuk chuckled. "You know, you'll be able to sleep easier if you stop obsessing over him. He's gone now, he can't get you."

Light remained silent. If only Ryuk knew that, in his dreams, L loved him. As far as the Skikigami thought, his nightmares were about L catching him.

Light opened his laptop and set to work. For a few moments, he only sound in the room was the pen skidding across the paper.

Ryuk sighed. Light got so boring when he was all hard working like that. Shaking his head, the Death God turned away, whispering "You really are a Monster Light...." to himself before he drifted away through the wall.

What he didn't know was that Light had heard him.

A single tear shone from the glow of the computer monitor, slowly rolling down his cheek before falling onto the notebook page.

"I know Ryuk..." Light said, without lifting his head or stilling his head. "I know."

**_~I-I feel like a monster~_**


End file.
